Parenting Foundation Conferences

When our children were young, we established a parent/child conference. We discovered that when they became teenages, the foundation of open and safe communication was invaluable. It allowed us to discuss problems, talk about special moments, set goals, evaluate progress towards goal, and just enjoy each others company.

Once a month, Dad interviewed each child. Sometimes, this was done during a daddy-daughter/son night out.

We had two simple rules that we followed.

RULE ONE

The most important rule is : This is a "Safe time"

NO MATTER WHO CALLS THE CONFERENCE--MOM, DAD, or CHILD
The child can talk about anything!!! and there will be no punishment.

THE PURPOSE OF THE CONFERENCE is to:

Explore possible solutions to problems
Set up a plan
Decide on a time to evaluate the progress.

RULE TWO
The second rule is:
The child may call the conference at any time he has a need.
If the child calls the conference, before we find out about his problem then:

There will be no punishment.
If the child makes a mistake--and is smart--he will call a conference, confess his sins, and figure out a solution.
There will be no grounding, no loss of privileges, etc.
If Dad or I find out about his "problem" before he calles a conference than we can (and probably will) take whatever action we feel is needed. The child can lose privileges, or get extra work, or whatever we dream up.

It is in everyone's best interest for the child to face us.

ADVANTAGES
When the child has decided on a plan of action to correct his problem, then:

The child is responsible and accountable for his action.
The parent doesn't have to confront the child and think up consequences that fit the crime.

I don't know about other parents but I never know if I have given the child a consequence that will teach him the right message.

A couple of other thoughts:

Dad always sat at the child's level or below the child.
He would sit on the floor, and the child sat on the bed or on the floor with dad. This made it less formal and put the child on an equal level physically.
This conference time is very effective with foster children. The exception is that it is important to have both parents in the room. And it is better to have it in a room other than a bedroom.