Boundaries

Consequences

Conferencing

Cuddle Time

The Tools

Responsibility

ADVANTAGES OF USING CONSEQUENCES

Consequences holds children--not their parents--responsible for the children's behavior
Consequences allows children to make their own decisions about what courses of action are appropriate
Consequences permits children to learn from the (impersonal) natural or social order of events.

Logical consequences permit a child to learn from the reality of the social order.

A logical consequence is one that a parent or authority decides happens because of the choice the child makes.

For the consequences to be effective, the child must see them as
logically related to their misbehavior

Examples:

If you go out in the rain without your coat, you are not allowed outside for a day.

A logical consequence for a child, if they don't clean their room, they miss tv that night.

There are several major differences between logical consequences and punishment:

• Punishment expresses the power of personal authority.
  Logical Consequences express the reality of the social order
  Logical consequences acknowledge mutual rights and mutual respect.
  EXAMPLE:
  Either turn the TV down or play outside. You decide which you'd rather do.
  
  
• Punishment is arbitrary or barely related to the logic of the situation
  A logical consequence is related to the misbehavior.
  Example:
  "I can't vacuum in your room if there are toys and clothes laying around on the floor. So I'll place them in bags and put them in the basement if you decide not to pick them up."

• Punishment is personalized and implies moral judgment.
  Logical consequences are impersonal; they imply no element of personal moral judgment.

• Punishment is concerned with past behavior. ("You're always late").
  Logical consequences are concerned with present and future behavior.
  Example:
  "I'm sorry, but you're not ready to take responsibility for coming home on time. We'll try again tomorrow."

• Punishment threatens the "offender" with disrespect or loss of love; it is a put-down.
  When logical consequences are invoked, the parent's voice is friendly and implies good will.

• Punishment demands obedience
  Logical consequences permit choice

Anger, warnings, threat, and reminders may turn a consequence into a punishment.

The purpose of allowing natural consequences to occur and of designing logical consequences
is to encourage children to make responsible decisions,
not to force their submission

STEPS IN APPLYING CONSEQUENCES

Provide choices
Choice is essential in the use of logical consequences. Alternatives are proposed by the parent and the parent accepts the child's decision. Then the child makes a choice without external pressure.

As you follow through with a consequence, give assurance that there will be an opportunity to change the decision later.--Tell them that the decision stands, but that they may try again later.

If the misbehavior is repeated, extend the time that must elapse before the child may try again. From this point on, the parent should use no words except to assure the child that she or he will have another opportunity to try again, and to state the time.

Natural Consequences are true to life consequences.

Natural consequences are exactly what happens because of the choice the child makes.

Example:
If you go out in the rain without your coat, you get wet and sick.

The child who refuses to eat, goes hungry.

A natural consequence of not cleaning your room, is you live in filth and get bugs and mice.

The child who insists on not wearing mittens gets cold hands.

If a child doesn't brush his teeth, a natural consequence is that his teeth rot and fall out. That wouldn't be good, so a parent gives the child a logical consequence--he has to scrub the bathroom.

If a child ran into the street, the natural consequence is he would get hit. That is too dangerous, so a parent sets a logical consequence. If the child keeps running into the street, he can't go outside without his mommy.

Basically, we give children logical consequences so that they learn to be responsible and so that they don't have to suffer the natural consequence of their actions. We, as authorities, know that the natural consequence could be very bad, so we teach with logical consequences.

Unfortunately, we see people every day that did not learn from the logical consequences and must live with the natural consequences. Drug and alcohol addiction, unwed pregnancy, etc.