TRUST IS EARNED!

Tell him that it is because of his lying
that you can't believe him.
You can't trust him to tell the truth.
Trust must be earned.
Tell him that the minute you find out that you are wrong, that you have accused him incorrectly, that you will apologize.

THEN GIVE HIM THE CONSEQUENCE.

DON'T GIVE HIM THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT

If he thinks he can fool you sometimes, he will try every time.

If he thinks he can
get away with a lie,
the behavior will increase.

This sounds harsh.
But we are dealing with
a very basic issue
Trust.

Trust is the foundation of everything.
The child needs to learn how great a loss it is when he loses your trust. And how great the benefits are when he has earned your trust.

WHY DOES HE LIE?

To get away with things
Fear of Punishment
Control and Manipulation

WHAT MIGHT HE LEARN IF I DISCIPLINE HIM AND HE DIDN'T DO IT ?

If you are meeting the child's needs
and
your discipline methods are appropriate (not abusive)
and
if you can remain calm and in control,
then the child will learn that there are consequences for his actions.

 

He will learn that

TRUST IS VITAL

WHAT DISCIPLINES SHOULD I USE?

Logical consequences are best. If you think he stole cookies, he loses out on dessert.

The consequence that links to the behavior clearest, is the best.

The two disciplines that can be used in most any situation are "time out" or "loss of privileges". It really depends on each situation.

And there is no shame in telling him that YOU are going to think for a long time about a "really good consequence". Giving the child time to worry is very effective and it gives you time to cool off and come up with something that fits the crime. Just don't forget that you are suppose to be thinking. My kids hope I'll forget and then I have increased the behavior instead of decreasing it. Notes to myself on the frig help.